I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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