Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
