Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
