id be glad to
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
