i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i believe in u and ur pee
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
