Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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