I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
