I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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