you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
