Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
