so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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