totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
