smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
