cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
