there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We have started to decorate penises.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
