You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
