You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
