I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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