Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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