He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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