perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
