roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
