Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
