Do vagina's smell?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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