Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
