Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
