my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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