I wanna bring you to show and tell
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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