Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
