she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
