she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
two words...techno handjob
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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