I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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