I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
