The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
