the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
