I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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