they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
