I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
