You're so nebulous sometimes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
