Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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