OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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