He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
