i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
