My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And then he peed in my hair
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