Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
