My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
