I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
