whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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