ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
