I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
