I am in a vortex of obligation.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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