Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
