she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
