I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
