I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
