hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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