So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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